an ode to Columbia 

this afternoon was my first alone time in more than two weeks, i went to the met museum, returned to campus to get some memorabilia, and had my last pinkberry medium original with mochi rice cakes, yogurt chips, and strawberries. even though i never quite warmed up to the city that is new york, i will always miss Columbia. even though i had to write scary regression essays, i got to sit in awe in classes taught by renowned professors. even though i was not eligible to play for the college team, i still did and had the chance to play and learn a new position. even though i came without the support base of friends i have in london and at home, i found the most important person right here. even though coming to Columbia meant that i had to give up certain things, not coming would mean giving Columbia a miss, and i wouldn't have wanted that. even though there are so many even thoughs, i will always look back on Columbia with fondness, happiness, and thankfulness to God who opened this door for me, to my parents and ex-coach who encouraged me to come, and to my friends and loved ones who stood by me.

goodbye, in more ways than one.

dear sarah 

one more year till we get to be in the same country =(
happy 23rd birthday my dear, domokun-hugs for you!

dear hannah 

here's a carby picture of us in funner times... happy 21st =)
may the ideas be flowy and the hand be strong today, hugs!

the end of an era 

it has been a wildly unforgettable academic year. i came to a new city, lived in a new place, learnt new things, made new friends, visited new lands, picked up new injuries, faced new fears, gained new perspectives, experienced new feelings, clocked new times, kissed new animals, and held a new hand. goodbye FM, AD, JL, TH, KT, goodbye columbia, i'll miss you.

Mother, stay'd on rock eternal crown'd and set upon a height,
Glorified by light supernal in thy radiance we see light,
Torch thy children's lamps to kindle beacon-star to cheer and guide,
Stand, Columbia! Alma Mater, through the storms of Time abide!
Stand, Columbia! Alma Mater, through the storms of Time abide!
Honor, love, and veneration crown forevermore the brow!
Many a grateful generation hail thee as we hail thee now!
Till the lordly Hudson seaward cease to roll his heaving tide,
Stand, Columbia! Alma Mater, through the storms of Time abide!
Stand, Columbia! Alma Mater, through the storms of Time abide!

island incredibles 

the three of us went on long weekend trips to the u.s. virgin islands and the cayman islands in february and april respectively. those were great and mighty days; we tanned, played frisbee, kicked some footy, ate seafood seafood seafood, snorkeled and kissed a stingray for seven years of good luck. the stingray city sandbar was an incredible spot in the middle of the ocean with water only waist/shoulder high and zillions of big stingray swishing around. of course i screamed myself silly and jumped on jason the entire time i was there, but still, that was one truly out-of-this world experience =)

47 days of you and me 

37 days of family and friends 

gayda comes to nyc, 7 march-22 march


xiaohei comes to nyc, 17 march-26 march


hannie comes to nyc, 26 march-31 march


ahtien comes to nyc, 30 march-12 april

this is the story of us all 

after all the shenanigans of the past, i promised myself never to allow anyone to come so close as to slide under my armour. and yet when i finally found the place that felt like home, i thought that all my battles had ended and i threw off my armour. i should have known that where there is home, there are humans; where there are humans, there are battles; and where there are battles, there will always be that searing pain, the kind that turn you cold.

confess to me every secret moment
every stolen promise you believed
confess to me all that lies between us
all that lies between you and me

we are the boxers in the ring
we are the bells that never sing
there is a title we can't win
no matter how hard we might swing
*pictures of you by the last goodnight

when you're gone 

i always needed time on my own
i never thought i'd need you there when i cry
and the days feel like years when i'm alone
and the bed where you lie is made up on your side
when you walk away i count the steps that you take
do you see how much i need you right now

i've never felt this way before
everything that i do reminds me of you
and the clothes you left that lie on the floor
they smell just like you i love the things that you do
when you walk away i count the steps that you take
do you see how much i need you right now

when you're gone the pieces of my heart are missing you
and when you're gone the face i came to know is missing too
and when you're gone the words i need to hear
to always get me through the day and make it okay
i miss you
*when you're gone by avril lavigne

Columbia 5 - 22 Northeastern
Columbia 14 - 0 Catholic 

for the last time for real, i played for the college team in the 4 leaf 15s tournament in the windy wasteland that is randalls island. our first match was against a beastly Northeastern team and we easily conceded two tries in each half through poor play and bad bloopers, only EI lit up the field for us with the sole try on the back of an explosive sprint. i played at the outside center and not only did i fail to turn up, i even managed to somehow get my shoulder smashed and eye punched. what a bummer. our second match against Catholic was much more lively as the team was lifted by the dizzying runs made by EI and NH at the sound of the whistle. NH scored her trademark try as she bamboozled her defenders and HM topped it up with a sommersault of a try, brilliant play. i played at the inside center this time as the entire backline had to move one number up after our flyhalf seemed to have broken her wrist in the previous match; and as i had realized from the previous scrimmage, i like playing as in more than as out, perfect position to put the draw-and-pass to good use. unfortunately i only truly woke up in the second half to nab a run and a tackle or two, guess it was too late by then. we gave up our semis match against Boston as we were down to thirteen men by the end of this match. wish we could have played one more, but in the end all that was left to do was to pack up and go home with a sore shoulder in tow. damn.

thank you for braving the cold to watch me play, i really appreciate it. it sucks to disappoint you and me with a 2/10 performance, but i won't give up, i hope you don't as well =)

change your game.

florida fun 

i had a sunny, spiffy, super spring break in the backseat of the mustang you drove across orlando, tampa, daytona, miami, fort lauderdale, key west and back. i hope you both feel the same, in spite of everything =)

even the best fall down 

in the end i realize only one person respected what i wanted, but that person ended up last. yes it's an unfair world out here.

"Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It's not just a river, it's a freaking ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?" -Meredith in Grey's Anatomy

tonight close your eyes 

spring break is here... some are already at the next beach resort and others are dragging their suitcases home, but it's still acadamic crunchtime for me, woe. i feel somewhat like a serious geek working on my take home midterm at a little hermitage, but my track record this semester says that i will not finish this by today. in any case, i've got 2.5 days to conquer this take home midterm and another draft paper before florida. and since the city of new york still makes me miffed ever so often, i am really looking forward to getting out of here to have fun in the sun with DS and YT. and of course, 9 days to seeing you again =)
* * *
love is given but trust is earned; which is why being loved is easier than being trusted, and why loving comes more easily than trusting, and why while the love weatherman says that every day is a new day, the trust forecast says that with each dark cloud, sunny days will never be the same again. that to me is a dreadful thought.

winter comes for a reason to purge your soul
with the change of the seasons i spin out of control
where can i find you when you're not even there
innocent eyes are blinded when the candle dies

there's no where to run no where to hide
fear is a monster no end in sight
no screaming silent screaming
tonight close your eyes dream
no screaming scream it away
tonight close your eyes and pray
*don't cry by naked

Columbia 17 - 17 Southern NY 

the first game of the season was a fairly evenly matched scrimmage against a club side but under a torrential rain that came down upon us all night and all day, not friendly stuff at all. we played a game of 15 minute quarters and i played at the left wing in the first quarter which was was a lively start, right wing in the second quarter which saw me touch the ball no more than five blimping times, inside center in the third quarter which was great fun for drawing-and-passing, and inside center again in the last quarter during which i lost much steam but tried to smack on those tackles. it felt prettyawesome to be back on the pitch again; i think my strength must have increased, but attacking vision is something i definitely need to and want to improve on. can't wait to play again!

anyway, this will mark the second and last time i'll be playing for the college team. if i had known that i wouldn't be eligible to play for college as a grad student, that the college team would pull out of the fall league, and that no player is allowed to play for both college and club, i can almost say for sure that i would never have chosen to come to columbia. it has been very very very vexing; but if i never came, things would not be the way they are now, and i wouldn't want that. all is good, rugby is still love and i will still be playing of course, in the red-white-black stripes of the village lions rfc. sweet.

light up the field.

return of the dark cloud 

'Therefore I urge you brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God; this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is, His good, pleasing and perfect will.'
-Romans 12:1-2

the rainebow connection 

every thursday when i look down into the blue court while resting between my gym stations or waiting for my gym partner, i see a bunch of people playing table tennis, and i think of you. i have never watched you play before, but i imagine you must be real good. i miss you. i don't know the stories in your life these days and you don't get crazy long emails from me anymore; maybe that's the way things work as we both seem to know, but i just thought you deserve to know how much you mean to me, then and now, girl =)

i don't need a lot of things 

we were doing suicide sprints at indoor practice last night and i couldn't help feeling really happy because i have God, i have rugby, and i have you in my life =)

you're the hope that moves me to courage again
you're the love that rescues me when the cold winds rage
and it's so amazing cause that's just how you are
and i can’t turn back now cause you've brought me too far
*i need you by leann rimes

like there's no tomorrow 

the days ahead will be exciting, but they will also daunting. i can only turn to God's grace for a clear mind, a clean heart, and a hand to hold.

first paper of the semester finally done, woefully below perfectionist standards, but this will have to pass for it this just this time. 3 more papers due, on top of 2 midterms and 1 finals. gotta try to be disciplined in working my socks off so that i will not end up compromising rugby-time and other-important-stuffs-time to meet impossible deadlines. gotta eat less. gotta set new PBs on the gym runs. gotta be a good host to DS, YT, HC, TT. gotta plan for post-grad holiday with parents. gotta take on the role of image consultant + salad dresser + pepper stirrer + food taster. and if it helps, room has a spanking new layout so hopefully new reserves of energy, concentration, and attention span will be mine to summon. whoop!

ps: england trounced france in the six nations once again. i hope wales will be able to deal the same blow to the french, it'd make a sweet follow up to the one we watched last year =)

be the one i need
be the one i trust most
don't stop inspiring me
sometimes it's hard to keep on running
we work so much to keep it going
don't make me want to give up

running running
as fast as we can
i really hope you make it
do you think we'll make it
we're running keep holding my hand
it's so we don't get separated
*running by no doubt

cloud nine 

Love, they say, enslaves and passion is a demon and many have been lost for love. I know this is true, but I know too that without love we grope the tunnels of our lives and never see the sun. When I fell in love it was as though I looked into a mirror and for the first time saw myself. I lifted my hand in wonderment and felt my cheeks, my neck. This was me. And when I had looked at myself and grown accustomed to who I was, I was not afraid to hate parts of me because I wanted to be worthy of the mirror bearer.
-from The Passion by Jeanette Winterson

look after you 

if i don't say this now i will surely break
as i'm leaving the one i want to take
forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait
my heart has started to separate

there now steady love so few come and don't go
will you won't you be the one i always know
when i'm losing my control the city spins around
you're the only one who knows you slow it down

it's always have and never hold
you've begun to feel like home
what's mine is yours to leave or take
what's mine is yours to make your own
*look after you by the fray

.

♥
JESUS BE THE CENTRE, BE MY SOURCE, BE MY LIGHT JESUS
JESUS BE MY VISION, BE MY PATH, BE MY GUIDE JESUS
BE THE FIRE IN MY HEART, BE THE WIND IN THESE SAILS
BE THE REASON THAT I LIVE, JESUS JESUS