to germany with love 

penning this as our one-hour-delayed easyjet plane takes off for london, there are too many things to remember, but i guess i must at least start somewhere ;)

my travelling partner
this lanlan-lamelame-loserloser-lousylousy guy, whom we shall thereoff refer to as 'ludwig' deserves first mention ;P imagine travelling with someone who is a true blue photo whore who takes pictures of anything and everything everyday, poses in silly positions for all his photos even though he's 21, pees every hour, calls people by psstpsst instead of by name, spends more time than me deciding what to wear ie the orange socks or the turqoise socks, meticulously aligns the velcro on this crumpler bag flap each time he opens it, is afraid that his beige pants might turn grey if he sits on the pavement, sings as out of tune as me but worse still cannot remember any song lyrics and sings "bailaho" instead of "bailamos" and "imagine when the space is wide" instead of "imagine when the race is won", haha you get the drift ;P after a while you just learn to laugh over every shit that happens and whack him to keep him quiet, haha but credit goes to 'ludwig' for putting up with cranky me half the time and sleepy me the other half.

hamburg
hamburg was a homely little start to our trip, as we stayed with 'lugwig's' friend aka 'zhuzhu' who is studying in hamburg. everywhere we turned in the quiet orderly town of hamburg, some part of home appears before our eyes and believe it or not, as we trawled through the red bricked pavements, it felt as though we were transported back to toa payoh. we dined at traditional german restaurants and pig themed restaurants, and had best of all, 'zhuzhu's' home cooked fare of spaghetti vongole and pork rib soup. at night, we sat in 'zhuzhu's' room watching movies like the first version of 'shall we dance' and the very apt concentration camp themed 'life is beautiful', before dozing off in slumber every now and then, that's the good life ;)

berlin
i loved berlin, it was like a step through our moden world history textbook. history appeared before our eyes as we visited the jewish museum, checkpoint charlie, remnants of the berlin wall, and the sachsenhausen concentration camp (with ong and liling who were also in berlin). checkpoint charlie is a museum situated where the former checkpoint for the american zone in berlin stood and is dedicated to tales surrounding the berlin wall escapees and army guards. we were mersmerized as we moved from one cluttered floor to another reading about how people escaped in tunnels, modified suitcases, and even a hot air balloon, solid stuff ;) seeing part of the berlin wall was the next best thing, and i guess i cant quite describe adequately how i felt as i stood before the very wall that separated east and west berlin less than 2decades ago, omg! in berlin, we stayed in a crumbly 6bed dorm in oranianburger tor but guess what, we had the whole room to ourselves for all 3nights. we also went ubercrazy over currywurst mit pommes frites (curry sausage and fries) and were chomping on wurst and more wurst nonstop each day, yumyumlicious ;) berlin was also where we speant our first easter abroad, and when we arrived at a grand church just five minutes late, we were disappointingly greeted with the sign 'kirch uberfullt'. haha you guessed it.

munich
mersmerizing munchen was where the adventures began, cos everything had been going too well for us ;P we visited the bmw museum on the first day only to find out that it was moved to 2 makeshift tents as the orignial musuem was being refurbished, but that was still fine cos all the cars on display were gorgeous. on the second day, we bought train tickets to the bavarian town of fussen to see the schloss neuschwanstein, the castle that inspired the walt disney icon. on the bright sunny day we boarded the train not knowing that we had to switch trains at buchloe and realized only when we reached the last stop of memmingen, which meant that we would not have been able to make it to the castle before closing time. well done, so we had no choice but to take the 2.5hours train back to the munich haupbahnof, but not before another adventure took place. 3stops before munich haupbhanof, we caught sight of the stop called munich pasing and got down like the blur kiddos we were only to realize that we were mistaken. unwilling to waste anymore time waiting for the next dreaded train, 'ludwig' decided to jump onto the train as it was preparing to move off only to be SCREAMED at by the inspector who fortunately spoted us and saved our lives. but we got on the train anyway, after enduring much beratement and the hilarious sight of the inspector wagging his finger vigorously at us.

we bought train tickets again the next day and this time we made it there albeit in the dripping rain. we took the horse carriage instead of the 40min trek on foot and were treating to a gorgeous little castle up on the mountains, it was everything you would imagine a castle to be, not forgetting the interesting little tales accompanying each room. and so there we had the perfect climax to out trip, even with the rain ;)

goodbye germany
last words about other stuff that happened in deutschland: a seagull pooed on me at the port in hamburg for the first time in my life, i got some ma107 papers done over several nights, my finger scabbed and is healing pretty darn well (yay), my ankle recovered mostly and returned to its original colour, even though i fell down the hostel steps in berlin (double yay) and by the time we arrived in munich we went looney belting out old love songs out-of-tunely in trains and on streets.

now its goodbye germany, leaving is always sad and now im in holborn tussling with my bagload of dirty clothes and souveneirs, packing for calella, stressing to pieces over my exams, and talking to good ol friends who make me feel less lonely alone here in my flat. but what can i say, each day i give thanks to the Lord that i am here, that this one dream came true ;)

still chasing the sun 

i am so touched i just wanna cry.

now i have an assortment of rubs sitting on my table waiting for me to pack them off to germany with me. last night, wy brought deep heating cream from his family friend, this morning sher sent over some chinese cream and sticky plasters, this afternoon loh came along with her chinese ointment (which i happened to spill all over my carpet), and less than an hour ago raine(!) made a pitstop at my hall with the cream she bought from switzerland, exactly one year ago when she sprained her ankle at the same london games.

i feel loved ;) even in cold cold london.
gonna miss everyone, auf wiedersehen!

chasing the sun 

today we had three girls packed side by side on my single bed fast asleep to the sounds of loud conversations and screechy sirens downstairs. its like this, everytime the three of us get together its all about snacking, dubious snapshots and good ol slumber from the exhaustion. tien came over for a while too, so i could pass her some 'stuff' ;P have a fantabulous time back home tien, blacks and sgp sevens, what more could you ask for ;P so in spite of my recent rather unfortunate accidents, i thank You Lord for these great mates and the others You have sent to me, nothing i say will ever be enough...

fim flying off to hamburg, berlin and munich tonight till 30march. then its the atheletics union trip to calalla, spain 2-8april, and the final stop will be lizzy's home in sutton 11-13april. am left with officially about two weeks of easter break to study for my exams, well done, i think i just shot myself in the foot. and thats why i dont like the easter break, really sucks with exams looooming, plus my exams end on 6june which is like a good 2-3 weeks after my mates. what am i gonna do? ;(

a riddle. i dont understand how can something so wrong feel so right, make me fuzzy like nothing else has for some time. i know this is not the first time, and i scare myself sometimes thinking, thinking every waking hour. or maybe im just feeling super insecure over the coming exams, either way i think im just going to die die die.

she's like a sweet summer
a sweet summer day
and i cant let her i cant let her go to waste
she's like a sweet summer day

i want to breathe in her air
i want to crash through the waves
into her fields where
these memories are made
*chasing the sun by the calling

all i wanted was the chance 

and i never imagined i would ever feel this way about our netball team.

london games was today, and ours was a singsoc team graced by a couple of msians and nicola from hk that had informally trained together for about two months. i was actually looking forward to playing the games, but was kinda nervous by morning cos the stakes are so much higher now i guess. first game was brilliant, the attack and shooting were strong save for some loose balls, and i got to last the whole 14mins. by the second game, we kind of lost the plot and i was out within a minute of stepping onto the court cos i somehow managed to trip over myself and twist my right ankle and graze the other knee. we lost the last two games narrowly but the last game was well fought and we didnt deserve to lose one bit. ohwell. after that we watched the finals and had lunch at four seasons. seeing that the sun was smiling down on us, some of us went to get gelato and made our way to hyde park and sat by the round pond. it was beautiful, and as we talked, teased, played monkey, tackled joce, taupoked raine, did silly dances, and just chilled out, it felt so good i simply wanted the day to never end... sam came later and we made our way to covent garden for the sgp food fest but everything was sold out, grrr, we finally ended up at hk diner albeit after kelv had a hard time suggesting somewhere that satisfied the cranky raine and me. plonking down, we ended up taking and talking until we were chased out which we kinda anticipated anyway, and then made our separate ways home, one last time.

some things are lovely, but they never last. i had a good time with this team, and although i always whine about going for trainings, doing it as a team made it so much more worth it, i guess thats why team sports have so much appeal to me. hearing them say that the injury was a turning point, all i really wanna say is that im sorry. im sorry i couldn't play on, as much as i wanted to and thought i could, im sorry we all trained so hard together and gave up valuable time just to have it end half as good as what we deserved, im sorry that i foiled the perfect ending. as much as im thankful to raine who held me when i was in excruciating pain, meh and sar for supporting me and cleaning me up, yif who gave me practical advice based on her sprained ankle, nicola for bandage and love, loh for ointment at my doorstep, and everyone else who walked with me right till the end, i cant help but feel ive let them down. im real sorry it had to end this way tho we fought hard.

ankle's not looking too good, i thought i had just strained the side of the foot but when i got home and removed the bandage the whole ankle area was very swollen and blue, its prob my fault for hobbling around too much throughout the day yeah. but you win some and lose some, and for the friendships ive made, esp with the dear monkey, and the team unity ive experienced, i guess nothings too tough to handle.

cant wait to go home in june to fix my foot and finger up ;(

singapore dance theatre comes to london 

and yours truly goes to watch, although it cost 15quid even for student standby, thats what royal ballet costs too, i neednt say more.

first piece was birds of paradise. as expected, it was reminiscent of mr f. and his fecundity piece years and years ago, real happy i finally got the chance to watch this dance and trace what influenced and inspired his own choreography. the costumes were plain ugly though, made them look like chinese acrobats, i dare say our orange ones were much nicer. the good parts were the lifts and the flexibility, and all the dancers had really good bodies, not one failed to get past my critical eye, haha. other than that, i felt this opening dance lacked spark, there were occassional flashes of brilliance, but all the eyes lacked something, the very something that turns a dance ino magic.

next up was maninyas. stunning and gorgeous, i loved it. another dance ive been wanting to watch for years, this one did not let me down. costumes were very pretty, and the skirts produced wonderful effects during the dance. the music was enchanting, and the dancers, they shone. the red girl (someone tell me who she is) was absolutely emotive and technically very strong, it was pure joy to watch her dance. haiying, in orange, was her usual waif-like and delicate self, but she captivated as always, ahh haiying. the brown girl appeared weak at first but when it came to her solo, she impressed with her dynamic moves. and the guys were awesome, i wonder if the blonde was a guest cos i dont remember sdt having a blonde male dancer, i could be wrong. overall this was sdt at its best, doing what it does best in terms of style and techinique, and it was so stunning, so awesome.

the closing piece was the lost space. i find the problem with sdt is that it always experiments with very asian cheoreography and attempts to adopt those as its style in line with our singaporean culture and the likes, although the sdt dancers dance other styles so much better. this dance was a bold try, but the dancers felt awkward to me, and only janice looked remotely like she knew what she was doing. strange music and a very sinister feel, and burdensome costumes i feel. this dance was reminiscent of lao shi and our syf piece, though that was one dance i grew to appreciate tremendously. anyway i dont think the dancers nor our local audience are ready for this genre yet, give us the sensual and smooth and strong classical style anytime. overall, sdt stood out for its lifts and flexibility, charm and confidence were lacking a great many times, but maninyas showed london what sdt can do at its stunning and emotive best, and that was a reason to feel proud ;)

bloody, awesome 

that was my yesterday. ooh i havent had such an awesome day in eons.

who would have thought, spring has arrived ;) the bitter winter is over, and only those who have survived it can feel our merry moods as we troop happily along the streets and break out into smile thinking about the glorious days ahead, playing outdoors in shorts and teeshirt and attending classes in berms and flipflops ;) ahh.

i had no school today, cos international relations lecture was cancelled ;) woke up at 10am and instead of scrambling to school with lizzy as we do every wednesday, i spent an hour writing the conclusion for my government essay on mill, having fallen asleep without completing it the previous night. it feels good to know that all my work for this term has finally been completed, and there is but one final hurdle in the form of my spanish exam on friday before i can throw everything out and scream yay. okay maybe not, exams are in may.

after dealing with my essay, we had lunch at lord's restaurant along tottenham court road, someone gave me a half-treat to an indian buffet ;) it was good for buffet standards and compared to the other buffets we have tried, say yum to onion bajia, naan bread, pilau rice, mixed vege, spinach and lamb curry, and poppadum with mango chutney! we then made our way to lincoln inn fields for a little run around with the frisbee people, though i was reduced to the sidelines more than i would have liked due to the curry swimming in my stomach. after that, we went to covent garden for ice cream in the lovely weather, who can say no to thorntons ice cream... it was nice, strolling along the gravelled paths of covent garden to the cool music of the street bands, sharing a honeycomb caramel and brazallian nut double scoop ice cream, thats what you call life baby ;)

the good food did not stop there. later at night, we had our rugby team dinner at sofra, a turkish restaurant in covent garden and the food was so so so good, say yum once again to borek, grilled lamb fillet and a bottle of wine each! cost us 25quid each though, but hey sometimes we need to indulge a little. and there was some good news too, thank You Lord for being so faithful ;) true to our wednesday night tradition, we found ourselves at walkabout after dinner bobbing to the likes of girls aloud and kylie. to cap the night off, tin made his maiden trip to walkabout and we bobbed a little and sat down most of the time before returning home cos my heels totally murdered me.

'twas an awesome day ;)

You give and take away 

blessed be Your name in the land that is plentiful
where Your streams of abundance flow, blessed be Your name
blessed be Your name when i'm found in the desert place
though i walk through the wilderness, blessed be Your name

every blessing You pour out i'll turn back to praise
when the darkness closes in, Lord still i will say

blessed be the name of the Lord
blessed be Your name
blessed be the name of the Lord
blessed be Your glorious name

blessed be Your name when the sun's shining down on me
when the world's all as it should be, blessed be Your name
blessed be Your name on the road marked with suffering
though there's pain in the offering, blessed be Your name

every blessing You pour out i'll turn back to praise
when the darkness closes in, Lord still i will say

blessed be the name of the Lord
blessed be Your name
blessed be the name of the Lord
blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away, You give and take away
my heart will choose to say Lord, blessed be Your name
*blessed be Your name by matt redman

You give and take away. this line really struck me when we were singing this song at christian union. it is always difficult to smile through the trials that beseige us, and in the midst of the suffering still find the strength to choose to say thank You Lord for the pain. i've been through the dark days, times when i thought i will never see light again, but the Lord healed. i think back on all the things the Lord has given and taken away, i still ask why for some, but He will answer in His time. i give thanks for all the trials that have passed because each has drawn me closer and closer to Him, and each time He becomes more real to me. i feel His pressence, and i feel safe ;)

on to lighter things, rosemary oil caramelised garlic bread and krispy kreme donut do not go well together, especially for a before training lunch, ugh. we played rugby league for training cos only 7 people turned up, it was cool, cept that i really didnt wanna tackle too hard after my finger got treaded over upside down. it bled under the nail and now the stitched part looks a bit forced open, not a pretty sight. now im thankful last week's finals were postponed to summer term cos my finger does still need lotsa rest and rehabilation. end of term inertia is kicking in, but this time i find myself doing things i dont wanna do but still have to work for in preparation for near future implications (not talking about exams here), i wish i didnt have to try so hard but things are so compliacted. that said, i will never compromise who i am, for the momentary glory and attention we humans instinctively seek. what's the point, i know where my happiness lies ;)

You give and take away, You give and take away
my heart will choose to say Lord, blessed be Your name

running in circles 

today was supposed to be a good day. we had our rugby team photoshoot in the lincoln inns fields, and training will probably only resume in the summer term for our long awaited cup finals. i meant to go the the gym after that but lo and behold i spotted the wy, ben and nolly playing frisbee with the other frisbee members on the other field and leaped over to join them, couldnt resist a nice run or two. not very good at catching or throwing disc like thingys compared to odd shaped balls, plus my finger was still wrapped up in my finger glove, but i had such a good time. playing nonstop for 1.5 hours was very demanding, but running for something feels so much more bearable than fighting it out on a treadmill. sports ball was tonight, but instead of dolling up for a posh night out like the rest of my team was, there i was running around in shorts and tee gasping for breath, cos i decided no way was i going to let myself blow 40quid on a hotel dinner, and that i was too lazy to dress up in a dress anyway. but i guess i made the right choice after all, playing frisbee made me feel all warm and fuzzy, inside and outside.

the highlight of the day was supposed to be going to watch 'hotel rwanda' with astrid, sam and tin. the persistence of the unforseen i reckon, 15mins into the movie, we smelled plastic burning and people started to evacuate slowly until the fire alarm finally went off. so we all got out and now have to go back another day after receiving a complementary pass each. what a letdown ;( i dislike diverted plans. that aside, im looking forward to moving into our house at waterloo next year, if all goes to plan, we are gonna have sucha blast.

i guess everyone has their own excess baggage, and sometimes it is impossible to let someone else carry them for us, much as they want to. some time ago, i lost my trust for 'sorrys'. sorrys are easy, anyone can say them but no one truly means them, sorrys are mere words and just a show, n sorrys dont change anything do they. its no one's fault.

i'm wide awake and i can see the perfect sky is torn
you're a little late i'm already torn
i'm cold and i'm ashamed, bound and broken on the floor
you're a little late i'm already torn
*torn by natalie imbruglia

a God of great purposes 

love song for a saviour 

i meant to post the lyrics of a sad song, in fact, 'why does it always rain on me' by travis / green day, but the amazing hands of the Lord touched me yet again. one of the issues that has been troubling my heart has been resolved, or perhaps dealt with more or less the best way it could have been; and strangely i suddenly realized why did the Lord place me in this 5pm class every friday for, He had forseen my troubles, and He had a path planned out. its amazing, amazing how everything falls into place in one instant. i guess we're too different in too many ways (not that anyone of us was right or wrong), and when i finally found the strength to assert myself for once, things took a not-so-good turn. but thats the way it should have been and things stand at its best now, you'll always be a friend, one whom ive spent rolling good times with, and nothing will change that. i am still glad i met you, and after summer i hope we'll still remember each other either way ;)

dear Lord, thank you for laying out a path the moment i placed everything in your hands. You know i need so many more paths to get myself out of this tangled messs, i know You will see me through it all, by Your amazing grace.

He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
as close a heartbeat or a song on her lips
someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
someday He'll call her and she will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down
and she'll pray, "i want to fall in love with You"
*love song for a saviour by jars of clay

there are shadows all around 

God is good all the time
He puts a song of praise in this heart of mine
God is good all the time
through the darkest night His light will shine
God is good, God is good all the time

if you're walking through the valley
and there are shadows all around
do not fear He will guide you
He will keep you safe and sound
He has promised to never leave you
nor forsake you and His Word is true

time and again, God reveals His goodness to me. it rained today and i started to get concerned over training and my finger, even though i had done all i could to stick on an extra layer of bandage and pop some pills. but God, His plans are perfect; training was cancelled and we had a technical session in the tuns to go through all the moves and consolidate the fine points of the game (i wish we did this for every single match and not just this last massive one) but it was good, you could see in everyones eyes this single minded desire to make this one count, and suddenly all the pain goes away. this morning the nurse told me i should start using my index as normal, all this by the grace of God. its still bleeding abit and very very sore but it will get better. now i know i have been so dumb to have lost faith in the power of my God during the darker times, cos once again He has proven me wrong.

recently i have been struggling with some issues, and God spoke to me last night during bible study with 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12 'Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody'. i can no longer live in the shadow of my promises to them, and i guess i dont need to feel accountable to them or fear letting them down in one aspect or another. some things cannot be reversed and i cant see how God's glory is gonna shine through at this point of time, but i am leaving everything in His hands. carry me...

please pray for me.

.

♥
JESUS BE THE CENTRE, BE MY SOURCE, BE MY LIGHT JESUS
JESUS BE MY VISION, BE MY PATH, BE MY GUIDE JESUS
BE THE FIRE IN MY HEART, BE THE WIND IN THESE SAILS
BE THE REASON THAT I LIVE, JESUS JESUS