i rest my case 

"feeling hopeless reminds us that we are helpless without God."
good times make us complacent and forgetful. when everything is going well, we become invincible in our own eyes, we make believe we can make it on our own, we chase happy summer days with our favourite people thinking the sun will always shine down on us. but as we all know good times dont last, and that is God's way of reminding us that we need Him, every day every minute every second of our lives. thank You God, for trying to reach me again and again, i need You.

forever i'll love You, forever i'll stand
nothing compares to the promise i have in You

i will find my way 

i chose this road, and im gonna stay right where i am; i will not regret this one bit, cos i have never allowed myself to. and i know i have fought worse things before yet i've come out of everything stronger, braver, and happier. even if it means making up on my own for the worthless empty promises, all i can say is that it speaks alot about you, but i am prepared. nothings gonna get me down, nothing.

i am not your finishing line at the end of the race. get that straight.

i will find my way i want a different way
after the wind and rain there'll be a brand new day
i will find my way i want a different way
nothing will stop me now no matter what they say
*my way by zhang jing xuan

when somebody loved me 

my friends, the two of you, i remember us a year ago. back then when we struggled over 4321 together, played ball on the way to supper, downed 100plus and chengtng, ran after the bus, buddled ourselves into a cab whenever we were too jellified to catch the bus, talked sport all the way home, laughed ourselves silly; these days have passed. suddenly it feels like a jigsaw piece staring at a completed jigsaw puzzle, there are no holes left.

if it takes my whole life, i won't break i won't bend
it will all be worth it, worth it in the end
*answer by sarah maclachan

i miss those times.

thats why we play 

every sunday after church i come home and sleep for an hour or so before dragging myself out for training cos i am always so knackered, but each time i step onto the farrer park field, everything becomes worth it ;) today we had touch warm up with a flying jas at one point of time LOL and a silly little warm up relay, pretty darn good hands drills, a new tackle drill, and to top it off, a contact match against the men, 10 of us against 7 of them. it was wildly out of my league, they run, they sidestep, they pass, and i could scarce make a decent tackle -sigh- but at the end of everything i think back and am amazed at how much i loved being on the field, whether as a prop or a hooker or a wing, fighting not to be brought down, tussling for the ball, getting kicked in the scrum, mucking in the mud. dirty, but all very worth it ;) thats the reason we keep going back for more, sundays after wednesdays, bruises after aches, tears after fears.

rugby lives forever.

when will it be my time 

fitness training #4. started of with a murderous set of warm-ups with fartlegs no less, then the four agility exercises, then jingjangs stage2 for the third time, and finishing off with scrum machine and tackle drills. i passed my jingjangs(!), was half expecting to throw in the towel this time cos my legs were just so jellified after the murderous warm-ups, but one shout out from one person made all the differene, couldnt have gone on otherwise so thanks man. otherwise, need to seriously work on my tackles, i think theres something fundamentally wrong with my technique... hate it when people run past me, esp not when i know i want and can take them down ;(

i was just thinking about how wednesdays have become the centre of my life. mondays and tuesdays i half anticipate and half fear the tough work ahead, wednesdays i avoid chilli at all cost and conserve as much energy as i can throughout the day all for the big night at spe, and thursdays and fridays i feel invicible having survived yet another killer session. not that im complaining, yes its always difficult but i believe that such struggles make the man, or the rugger i should say.

...i want something else, but maybe he knows best. il learn whatever they impart to me, cos thats what taking what comes and running with it is all about. just abit disappointed though.

a world of my own 

two weeks of work, dinners with buddies, late nights, training twice a week, a pint of strongbow, a dose of shisha, and i am officially KO-ed. i want time to stop so that i can lie in bed and spend lazy days at home doing nothing; so, maybe i am getting old but that is not a nice thought at all... being posted to the town office this time round has given me a chance to have some sort of life despite being a white-collared rat five days a week, and if you know me well you'd know that i am one who needs a schedule and something to do every night and weekend, but i think my body is too lousy to survive this lifestyle. -crumbles- haha.

forgive me if i seem listless when i am with you, but spending time with you means alot to me, whoever you all are. trust me ;)

dummy switch pass 

its an aching void morning, delayed reaction on my part yet again but things will never be the same, one day i too will have to say goodbye. well the best and worst thing about life, is that things change. dear puffy eyes, it is difficult, but i know that you will look this in the eye and run the road ahead, because you promised you would.

and we laugh till we cry
always so hard to say goodbye
and we all sit round here in our home town
its so good like this these are times we'll miss
the memories, i hope they'll never fade
glowing embers lie across the sky
*last summer by lostprophets

for the longest time 

if you said goodbye to me tonight
there would still be music left to write
what else could i do i'm so inspired by you
that hasnt happened for the longest time
*for the longest time by billy joel

it is fitting that we had lunch at maxwell today, for the first time. the last time was one year ago, i cannot forget my first and only bike ride up that hill, our burning encounter with the stuff called cointreau, the birthday girl puking, coldplay singing nobody said it was easy it's such a shame for us to part in the background, the word goodbye on our lips. those were our days. tonight i must muster a muted goodbye to someone who has changed my life; at interviews i speak about her as the one whom i look up to, because she taught me to be someone else on the field, and she gave me dreams to dream. a short goodbye, till i make my own journey to where she is, and there is nothing i could have wanted more than this.

grow me a rose garden 

you know you are happy...when you laugh at old times with long lost friends over mango pudding and mango ice cream, when you take silly photos with your favourite pig out buddy and your half price tuesday gelare waffles, when you make the long walk to supper with mates with equally jellified legs, when you sit back and watch two old people eat and eat and eat and eat and eat, when you step into kbox for the first time with a bunch of looney guys; and best of all, when you spend a lazy saturday the way it should always be spent, slumping into a couch, guzzling beer, cheering for the lions, swearing at mistakes, falling asleep, talking to cool people, fighting on the road, running from cockroaches at dinner, chillling at mos. laughing so hard.

i know i am happy, its been a fantastic week of after work fun. but i know too that everything that goes up must come down, and that good times must pass. just not yet, can?

no one said it would be easy
because no rose garden is in this life
but they cant stop you from believing
you can turn back time in your mind
*walk away by blessid union of souls

something in your eyes 

i failed my jingjangs ;( a big disappointment cos i know i can do it, if only i had ran harder. next week, next week. no regrets allowed.

i feel like im back in the old times, and im enjoying all the little moments. there are some things money, and even medals cannot buy, this is what these moments are about. ive come to accept that things do change, and im tired of trying so hard for whats no longer worth it, for people who have chosen to move too far ahead for me to ever catch up; so im letting go. right now, im learning to sit back and enjoy the moments before its too late yet again.

to end off, LONDON 2012! sorry tien, but im sure this is also cause for celebration ;) two exciting olympic games ahead, cant wait...

shout outs 

flying without wings 

there is a long way more to go, before i am strong enough, mentally. it never feels good to come out of anything thinking i could have done better, and if i wanna put an end to letting myself down, i do need to get in there and hone my confidence and earn the respect. that aside, holding the odd shape ball and mucking around with the amazing people i train with always makes me smile inside, even when the sun feels like its gonna burn a hole in my face ;) its been some time yet everything about the sport still makes me grin like an idiot, im loving the mud and blood and grass and scars. you know, this, must have been one of the best things that has happened in my life; among other wonderful things i really thank Him for.

two weeks has passed me by, its been a mostly happy time catching up with old friends, hanging out with uk buddies, eating good food, shopping at flashandsplash, being driven around by cool people, spending money like water, bumming around whenever wherever. wont forget the day spent fooling around with porkchop, yoda and loh, and the one getting to know a certain sydney better -grin-

i start work tomorrow. time to work hard, play hard ;)

.

♥
JESUS BE THE CENTRE, BE MY SOURCE, BE MY LIGHT JESUS
JESUS BE MY VISION, BE MY PATH, BE MY GUIDE JESUS
BE THE FIRE IN MY HEART, BE THE WIND IN THESE SAILS
BE THE REASON THAT I LIVE, JESUS JESUS