one love but we're not the same 

i hate to say this at this point of time but im not gonna hold back cos that how i am. to you who i know still comes here, fuck off. you are not my friend, never more.

i wish i knew how it would feel to be free
i wish i could break all the chains holding me
i wish i could say all the things that i should say
say 'em loud say ' em clear for the whole wide world to hear

i wish i could share all the love thats in my heart
remove all the bars that keep us apart
and i wish you could know how it is to be me
then you'd see and agree that every man should be free
*free by lighthouse family

dear puddie its your year 

as i cycled out of regents park after training, the sun rested briefly on the horizon embracing the symmetrical rows of tress and pavement in a warm dark orange glow; and the beauty made me smile. i know that no one goes for rugby training on their own new years day but hitting those sublime, almost perfect, sublime 2v1s was probably the happiest thing that i did this chinese new year.

the other components of my festive weekend were singsoc cny dinner at new loon fung followed by eds with cheesebugerboy, lunch and steamboat veggie hunt with airportboy, steamboat reunion dinner with housemates and friends, a visit by kenneth and friends with niangao/tangyuan/jelly for supper, and lastly a 3-0 man u smashing of wolves rounded off with dinner at chaotic chinatown. nottoo bad, but rugby still takes the shine.

i hijacked a rainbow and crashed into a pot of gold 

i went as far as i could tryin to find a new face
there isnt one of these lines that i would erase
i left a million miles of memories on that road
every step i take i know that im not alone
you can take the home from the boy but not the boy from his home
these are my streets the only life ive ever known
who says you cant go home


chinese new year is such a family thing that anything other than that just feels depressing; love letters and steamboat and visiting friends make me sad. london is not home, but those weeks when you all came to be with me, london became home. home is where we are together.

who says you cant go back
been all around the world and as a matter of fact
theres only one place left i wanna go
*who says you cant go home by sugarland

.:one over the post at 12:14 AM:.

Wednesday, January 25

kingdom comes 

dear Lord, use me; use me even though i am shy, use me even though i am scared, use me even though i am busy, use me even though i am foolish, use me even though i am weak. Lord, please use me.

i will never be the same again, i can never return i've closed the door
i will walk the path i will run the race and i will never be the same again
there are higher heights there are deeper seas, whatever You need Lord do in me
the glory of God fills my life and i will never be the same again

.:one over the post at 4:45 PM:.

we own the game 

last sunday, we beasted the st georges medics 59-20 to win our second straight match this year. i wish i could say thats business as usual for the team, but we have overcame many odds, and winning feels so damn good. i dropped the ball while trying to fly in between a wall of medics to score ;( i need to work on my fitness because i dont have the stamina to be at every breakdown and still support every run, i dont have the stamina to play to score. my flyhalf/last year's captain told me somthing after the match that made me really smile, i will miss our partnership much next year. (social life with the team is zilch, but with my present commitments i guess one hundred percent on the field is the best i can give, i trust i am right this time.)

.:one over the post at 3:32 PM:.

Friday, January 20

loh and behold 

to my best friend, happy twenty first. for the eight years that have passed i am blessed, for the even better years that lie ahead i am happy and excited and wild.

sparky loves rufus, no matter the hair or thighs or ass ;)

so light a candle on your cake for every smile you've helped create
for every heart and every soul you've helped to grow a little more
a few more pounds a little more grey
don't count the years just count the way
it takes a little time to go from water into wine
don't ever lose the wonder of that child within your eyes

happy birthday my friend
here's to all the years we've shared together all the fun we've had
you're such a blessing such a joy in my life
may the good Lord bless you and may all your dreams come true
*the birthday song by corrinne may

.:one over the post at 1:20 PM:.

Wednesday, January 18

the years go on 

we amaze, you've gotta agree. our team played 10 players against 12 and came out of the match with a fucking amazing 29-10 scoreline, g k t womens rugby can go wipe their sorry sportsmanshipless asses. i admit i wasnt looking forward to playing today, and when we got there and our captain said they wanted to play 12 against our 10, we contemplated taking the bloody train back home; but we stayed to kick their sorry asses and to leapfrog them in the league tables to get back some of our pride. even though i didnt get on the scoreboard today, this was a defining match for me (cept for the glaring lack of fitness). stripped to its basics, there was this one run i fed the ball, collected the ball, ran, passed to my flyhalf, flyhalf scored...it felt sublime, simple and beautiful and perfectly sublime. i believe playing as scrumhalf has taught me to read the game, and playing beside jen has exposed me to the technicalities of strategic play, there is of course miles more to go, but im fucking excited at how rewarding this opportunity has and will be.

i know many people didnt think our team would survive this year, i was one of them, but the spirit and strength of our captain to fight on and play on puts me to shame. i would have given up, and im glad she made sure we didnt. cos each time we play a good match, i stand on the field and know who i really am, for once.

x x x
every little time we talk, you take incredulity to a higher level and i realise i cant understand you anymore. our sorry state of affairs has torn down any faith, any dependence, and unconditional love in people you once inspired in me. i am sorry but this has become nightmare to me.

.:one over the post at 10:31 PM:.

Sunday, January 15

the aim of the game 

YOUR HANDS CAN'T CATCH WHAT YOUR EYES CAN'T SEE. -Nike ad 1993

theres something about sunday that screams sleep, rest day, feel like jelly, stay home and slob. and that makes it so so so difficult to get out and go for sunday training, no matter back home or over here. today when i was cycling to regents park for training it struck me that what i need right now is motivation, something i can look forward to so much it keeps me awake at night and makes me jump out of bed in the morning. i think i forgot what this sport meant to me after four weeks of inactivity, but training set everything straight. during our dynamic warmups i suddenly recalled our wednesday fitness trainings back home, those almost killed us every week but we always went back for more, and it felt so good. how can it be?

i remember why i play. its almost heaven.

.:one over the post at 1:17 PM:.

Saturday, January 14

the answer that never came 

mamma mia is so loved because it brings people back to their youths, the days of happy songs and crazy friends, and now i know why my mum loved it so much. somehow someway, the three oldies in mamma mia remind me of the enfant teribles, cute eh ;)

the winner takes it all the loser has to fall
its simple and its plain why should i complain
*the winner takes it all by abba

i am so happy to be here. im still overwhelmed till today by how much this place reflects my idea of living the life, land of freedom, land of musicals, land of landmarks, land of opportunities, land of big things. but at the same time, now more than ever i miss home. i read soyabean on the menu and i miss us having dinner in front of the teevee, i see almond pocky on the shelf and i miss you buying it for me, i listen to 'if i kissed you' and i miss you telling me the lyrics, i remember you taking me out for dinner and me gumbling about the cats and i miss you eating those oysters; and although i have done literally nothing over winter, it was in those nothingness that i realized how much you all meant to me.

and i miss you too, you were the one who brought happiness and strength into my life, but you have and will be lost for a long long time more, and i know im gonna have to walk my own road. and its okay, i know il be.

the greatest bane of my life here is homework; it is the inability to complete them that makes me stressed and unhappy and grouchy. and its not supposed to be this way, im supposed to want to play rugby every waking moment, to want to do the dance show because i love performing, to want to serve the christian union without counting the hours, to want to meet my friends for lunch as often as they want to, to want to sit down spend time getting to know people better, to want to hang out with my favourite people more than i do now. thats what i want my life here to be about, and im no where near. boo.

.:one over the post at 1:22 AM:.

Thursday, January 12

thursday morning blues 

i am back in londonland, its been two days actually. it was an awful journey back here i must say, awful two day wait at the airport, awful thirteen hour plane ride with a three hour delay, awful inability to sleep or eat on that dusty plane, and too much tears at customs for the first time. maybe it was the suddeness at which i was told to place my bags on the belt, or the briefness at which the hug was exchanged, or the unexpected goodbye i had to say, but it was awful ;( im glad its all over now.

now that im back here, theres sparky and marshmallow and allak and kimme and raleigh for a semblance of material comfort. its not too bad after all, i just have an essay pulling me down. but that doesnt mean this term is gonna be anywhere as emo as last's, no way buds ;) theres much to come.

.:one over the post at 9:04 AM:.

Friday, January 6

cold weather and good service 

but nothing beats watching your mum shelter a neighbour in the rain, sitting behind the wheel with your dad guiding you on your left, walking the whole of hmv with your cousin, watching cartoons with your old friends, getting lost on the road and in the carpark with your old friend ;P, speed shopping and food whacking with your new friends, lazing around at home in between sleep and cable. winter loving.


goodbye lovelies. i guess il just say it now although i dont know which flight is gonna take me back to london, it could be anytime from saturday morning but its likely to be a much longer wait. i know lent term is gonna be tough, but this is still my dream im living. and im gonna kickass.

.:one over the post at 2:12 AM:.

Thursday, January 5

twice the speed of life 

2005 was the year i...
1. made a new friend, who showed me a side of friendship i never knew. but, yeah.
2. learnt how to drive, cycle (on the london roads), and ski. and i learnt above all that raw fear has to be conquered from deep inside, by oneself, and only by oneself; in the words of the bravest girl we know, "learn or die".
3. flew/trained/bussed/drove to bilbao, cambridge, hamburg, berlin, munich, calella, madrid, manchester, aran islands, french alps. how could i ever thank You.
4. crashed the car, and realized how much my dad loved me, and my mum of course. that i believe, was an important turning point in my life.
5. struggled very hard; during exams, during summer, during almost the whole of second year michaelmas term. but the dark irony of it all is that what i remember most about those times are the friends who struggled with me. my very very very favourite goose, my uncle kimme, my 'boy' with a 'sheep', my panini maker, and my chicken of course. ze album of happy memories ;)

2004 was the year of growing up, 2005 was the year of friendship, 2006, i forsee, will be the year of choices. dear Lord, teach me to make the right choices rather than the easy choices. Your perfect plan, as always.

.:one over the post at 2:51 AM:.

it's in the rain 

two more days left in the land of greedy geese and hungry pigs ;( after two weeks of absolute slobbery, i promised myself this week was the last chance to crawl out of my hermit shell. supper with denboy, chompchomp with chickenboy, sushi with gooseboy, swensens with kiddyboy, dessert and teevee party with rara, belle, and durian. well, il miss these times, like i always do.

feel the touch of tears that fall, they won't fall forever
in the way the day will flow, all things come all things go
*it's in the rain by enya

.:one over the post at 12:45 AM:.

Sunday, January 1

nella fantasia 

nella fantasia, happy days outnumber crappy days.
nella fantasia, dad and mum go to church, together, on sundays.
nella fantasia, good friends dont forget to write and call.
nella fantasia, good friends never disappoint each other.
nella fantasia, the team plays every week, or every fortnight.
nella fantasia, new responsibilities reveal His glory.
nella fantasia, people learn to give people a chance.
nella fantasia, dreams are chased. dancers chase dancing dreams, ruggers chase rugby dreams, bankers chase banking dreams, dreamers chase dreams.

nella fantasia, in my dreams. dreams for 2006.

.:one over the post at 4:10 PM:.

.

♥
JESUS BE THE CENTRE, BE MY SOURCE, BE MY LIGHT JESUS
JESUS BE MY VISION, BE MY PATH, BE MY GUIDE JESUS
BE THE FIRE IN MY HEART, BE THE WIND IN THESE SAILS
BE THE REASON THAT I LIVE, JESUS JESUS