moments of weakness 

i've dealt with my ghosts and i've faced all my demons
finally content with a past i regret
i've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
for once i'm at peace with myself
i've been burdened with blame trapped in the past for too long
i'm moving on

at last i can see life has been patiently waiting for me
and i know there's no guarantees but i'm not alone
there comes a time in everyone's life
when all you can see are the years passing by
and i have made up my mind that those days are gone
*i'm moving on by rascal flatts

i am ashamed i allowed myself to crumble. this is so hard, but ive survived many things and i'll survive this one, regardless of the circumstance. He is my strength.

what hurts the most 

i have learnt to let go of the ones who decide to walk away for reasons good or bad. trying can be so painful sometimes; yet i know not trying always hurts even more. this time i wont try to stop you from walking away, and thats what hurts the most.

i can take the rain on the roof of this empty house that don't bother me
i can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
i'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
even though going on with you gone still upsets me
there are days every now and again i pretend i'm okay
but thats not what gets me

what hurts the most was being so close
and having so much to say and watching you walk away
and never knowing what could have been
and not seeing that loving you is what i was trying to do
*what hurts the most by rascal flatts

we were so happy, my friend.

via dolorosa 

"Beneath the surface of everyone's life, is an ache that will not go away. It can be ignored, disguised, mislabelled, or submerged by a torrent of activity, but it will not disappear. And for good reason. We were designed to enjoy a better world than this. And until that better world comes along, we will ache for what we do not already have. An aching soul is evidence not of neurosis or spiritual immaturity, but of realism. Yet there is no escape from an aching soul, only denial of it. The promise of one day being with Jesus in a perfect world is the Christian's only hope for complete relief.
Until then we either groan or pretend that we don't." -Larry Crabb

* * *
remember i once said i hate the person im growing up to be? i still do. my work makes me vexed with the whole wide world; work, the curse from the fall of man.

but we were all made for a better world, and because we will always ache for that better world we will never be truly happy. we can only wait, in pain, wounds, sorrow, suffering, and battle scars for the day He frees us from our life and our death, just as He defeated His own death that momentous day. kingdom comes.

you and me world 

rufus' parents took her brothers, family friend, housemate, and the enfant teribles out for dinner today. family, a mother's affection and a father's protection, even if not my own, feels like good. warmer and truer than any paycheck or promotion or praise; maybe that is my answer. i miss our kind of love, more than ever.

king and queen.

more than you will ever know 

1. sometimes you're ahead, sometimes your behind, but how come the ahead-times dont make the behind-times any more bearable, i am not used to these feelings. money, work, exams, time, fear, they make things ugly. and, if not for darkwolf, i think these 12hour, budgetmeal, backtearing days would have gotten me by now.

2. i will be missing my best friend's birthday in june. im sad, and sorry =( =( =(

3. a while ago a stranger's smile took me back across time and space to your smile, yes you, the winning smile that always meant i-am-simply-the-best. those days.

i will follow Him, follow Him where ever He may go
there isn't an ocean too deep, a mountain so high it can keep
keep me away (from His love)
* i will follow Him in sister act

an eternity 

"The Christian life is certainly not a playground, it is a battlefield. You will have to face the world, the flesh, and the devil. I wish I could tell you that you will never struggle with temptation again. But I can't. I wish I could tell you that you will meet miss wonderful, fall madly in love, and live happily ever after. But i can't. All I can promise you is wet eyes, a broken heart, and a joy that comes through walking with Jesus. But there is one thing that I want to remind you of and that is that this life with all its struggles and woes is not all. Heaven is for real. Count on it. One day we will be rid of our sinful bodies and will live in a brand new world. we will be free from all sin, all frustrations, all restrictions, all limitations and corruption. One thing is certain. The moment we enter into heaven, we will know for sure that 'All the preset sufferings of this present time will not be worthy to be compared with the glory that will be revealed in us'. All our sufferings - physical, mental, emotional, psychological, sexual, relational, and spiritual will be over for ever." -Bill Bygroves

* * *

blow my mind and rock my world 

i am struggling, and i didnt realize until today. its scary how even though work and relationships and all that stuff have been going well (but nowhere brilliant), i still feel this way, as though there are so many things about myself and my friends that i dont want to but am forced to know. i wish there was someone i could tell every single thing, real and raw, to; but there is no one i could possible ever do that with. its the way ive grown up, through upbringing and experiences, i have learnt to fight to win, to want and be the best, to love fiercely or dismiss entirely, to never let my guard down, to protect myself from people...even when i was as young as in primary school, i would start each year with the resolve not to cry in the whole year, but of cos i always failed somehow. they say people who are strong on the outside are always the ones who are the weakest and most broken inside.

il be at word alive from tomorrow for a week, hopefully il find rest, answers and myself there. prayer requests, text messages, and emails are always welcomed =)

you need a blue sky holiday 

i wish, i could be a banker or consultant. because then i could give all the money to my parents to live the live they never thought possible. would they be happy?

don't you know that there ain't no mountain high enough
ain't no valley low enough ain't no river wide enough
to keep me from getting to you babe
*ain't no mountain high enough by marvin gaye and tammi terrell

domo-kun hearts you 

dear friends, thank you for a happy day, its that simple really.

dear kaeru's-girl, what good times, then and now!
dear usajii, like domo-kun and old rabbit, you're my best friend.
dear saru, its so easy for me to love you like i used to, you know?
dear dubbuble, collapsed arch?! what is it? will it heal? love all the brill (haha) emails you've sent, think i owe you the next one. promise it'll be soon =)

.

♥
JESUS BE THE CENTRE, BE MY SOURCE, BE MY LIGHT JESUS
JESUS BE MY VISION, BE MY PATH, BE MY GUIDE JESUS
BE THE FIRE IN MY HEART, BE THE WIND IN THESE SAILS
BE THE REASON THAT I LIVE, JESUS JESUS