those were the days 

she is like you and me 

i have been lazy, shitterbuggers. i stopped running, and my sorry excuse is that i've got no music cos my creative went blank. i guess you will be disappointed when you read this, but i promise i'll be up and going again when we move to the new place, yes i promise you, again. i also made some inroads into project summer today, so here i am waiting for something to work out, lazy ol' waiting. im so lousy =(

she is the one that you'll never forget
she is the heaven sent angel you met
oh she must be the reason why god made a girl
she is so pretty all over the world
*she by groove coverage

paul and i caught 'united93' just now. good stuff, maybe i will change my mind about my we're-all-on-our-own-in-this-world theory. i'll think about it.

simple plan 

in this world, we're all on our own. our glories are ours for us and us alone to keep, our screwups, they hang around our necks, no one else's. and no matter the bullshit we've been fed with, someone being there is not the same as someone facing the same fires; face it, there's no such thing as halving burdens and multiplying smiles. this world throws us shit, we just gotta want survival hard enough to deal with it.* * *
pick-and-choose life ive realized, is getting me nowhere. its giving me a bite of everything, but not satisfying my hunger; i dont want a bit of everything, a piece of your dream and a slice of the world's, i want the big one thats my own. and so, goodbye pick-and-choose, hello sacrifice. give me two years. two years, and i will give up all that i can live without for the thing i cannot live without. it takes courage to turn my back on everything (even if i cant do it right now), wait for me.

okay bye 

scooting off to salzburg for 3 days, 3 of us.

if you need a friend don't look to a stranger
you know in the end i'll always be there
and when you're in doubt and when you're in danger
take a look all around and i'll be there
*the promise, napoleon dynamite soundtrack

nice. 

when i said this year was gonna be the year of choices, i assumed that knowing that would at least mean that i made the right ones. put it this way, this whole summer thing, i realized has turned out to be one bad idea after another. nice. smart. f*ck.

sometimes i dont know whether to blame luck, astoundingly bad timing, or myself.

breathe easy 

the three lazy months have come to an end, i promise. you know, the past two days, it felt like i was doing this as a team again. when the sleepless girl and i were discussing running plans for the day and reporting back after the run, it suddenly seemed like there was no time difference, no thousand mile distance between us, and i could have been right there in singapore doing this thing with them. im not gonna be amazing, but at least, hopefully, decent enough to run away from that girl after bullying her =) and i realized, that when you are running, those muscles that burn when you are walking stop hurting, thats the solution eh.

and i know she turned 4 traffic lights green for me. she is why i want to try.

i wish we could watch telly again 

to my coach, my mentor, my friend, happy birthday. it is a strange coincidence that i was looking through rfc match reports today and saw your name, made me both thrilled and sad at the same time. i dont know if you still or will come here, but whatever it is, i miss you and love you.

i love you like a fat kid loves cake =)

con todo mi amor 

malaga, torremolinos, seville, lisbon, cascais, sintra, cabo da roca. truely, those days were sweet not because of the beauty of these lands, which they no doubt were, but (for me) the strange appeal of the annonymity these places promised. this time, being away was welcoming, so was coke on the beach, making faces at unknown children, composing invisible poems on long rides, watching weatherbeaten feet turn brown, finding brimble senior, and most, making contact with the reality that was left behind only when desired. oh, and thank you anime and hennanjiang for doing this summer thing with me, it was good company.

coming back to londonland never felt more saddening; here and now its all about the heat, househunting, and horseshit - okay, its not that bad, i made the last one up. but truely, im damn vexed about the house, big fat sigh.

moving on down the street i see people i won't ever meet
think of her, take a breath, feel the beat in the rhythm of my steps
and sometimes it's a sad song
*the sun by maroon 5

now and forever 

i am leaving for malaga/lisbon in a while. this was supposed to be the perfect summer holiday but now i dont think so. being with people, talking to people, helps, but only that much; because its real, my friends, its real, and i still wish someone will say it isnt so.

today, goodbye, and i want to say thank you for showing me how to play the game, and thank you for that night when you sent us home in a cab, and texted us right after to make sure we were safe. i will never forget. i still have one text message from you in my old sim card, you said you will catch me when im back. im sorry, im so sorry. you will be forever loved.

i miss the day we met and all that followed after
sometimes i wish i could always be with you the way we used to do
now and forever i will always think of you
now and forever i will always be with you

my dear, o my dear 

my first memory of you was at our first contact match, you hollered at our coach, and t and i stood there wondering who you were. but you turned out to be the one who loved the game and all of us so strong and so real, the one who had me down in tears today, the one i will always, always respect and remember. rest in peace.

with all my love, vet - brfc

and i forgot to tell you i love you
and the night's too long and cold here without you
i grieve in my condition
for i cannot find the strength to say i need you so

did you bring the cookies 

saving face, with les enfant teribles
cinderella man, with les enfant teribles
the squid and the whale, with malian
the da vinci code, with azuki beans
24 seasons 2 and 3, in bed

this is what ive been up to apart from running random errands of various degrees of importance. and tomorrow, dinner at azuki beans'; we were just recounting how happy the last dinner at my place felt, i dunno why but it was really good, the simple kinda happy. i just realized that the exams were just an excuse for the things i didnt wanna do and the people i didnt wanna meet, cos nothings changed.

* * *it has struck me that the reason why i fought so hard in the past was because i didnt wanna lose this fight to you, you of all people, and this of all things. i havent given up this time, you know i never do; its just that this one thing doesnt mean anything to me now, and if it did you wont even stand chance. get this straight, i dont care what you take away from me anymore, because you need this, i dont.

.

♥
JESUS BE THE CENTRE, BE MY SOURCE, BE MY LIGHT JESUS
JESUS BE MY VISION, BE MY PATH, BE MY GUIDE JESUS
BE THE FIRE IN MY HEART, BE THE WIND IN THESE SAILS
BE THE REASON THAT I LIVE, JESUS JESUS