go solo 

friday-nights-with-mari started the night the enfant teribles got in from salzy, three kids traipsing past drunk yobs and fat cops in the hunt for hot soup. since then, we've had friday nights at loon tao, friday nights at belgos, friday nights at nandos, friday nights at bar italia, friday nights at crush, friday nights at goslett yard, friday nights eating and drinking and cigging ysls. and, followed by weekends spent swimming, lying in bed, cooking, eating out, watching teevee, clubbing, having the summer of our lives. but now this has come to an end, like all good things do; and going two months apart is not nice at all. sad, bud.

go high 

wow, tgif came, and a blast it was. drinks with the gang kinda started after lunch with wine and cake, and continued till late at the bar after work. now that im outta marketing and into finance next week, i'll miss working the daz and jaz and co, its just that this has hit me too late, once again. but anyway, had to tear myself away for another friday night out with my bud, dinner at happy nandos (where i ran into bear), coffee on the streets by bar italia, and an impromptu night out at the club, good, good, shite =)

fear's a funny thing sometimes when you're stuck and scared to move
the pain of staying where you are is worse than if you push on through
and i'm looking my fear in the eye i'm willing to try
*i'm willing to try by joe diffie

always always aim high. i'll remember that =)

go play 

this morning, i got hauled back to marketing for another week to work with mr eyecandy. which is great, just that its no more fun-ish website work but serious-ish sales analysis work, and i really dont feel like being smart or interesting this week. talk about monday blues, where is my tgif.

i wish there were no rules in this life, then there will be no punishment for the games we play. then, no one can hurt me but myself.

there's two through my hands and one through my feet
from this cross that bare to the day that i see
its guilt and its blame its shame and its love
seeking the truth i dug them myself
*holes by rascal flatts

go candybar 

this week ive been altogether angry, hungry, weary, need to get that discipline back on track. but still, a weekend to rival last week's =) dinner at happy nandos (grin), 4 girls at bar italia, another 4 girls at south block county hall, and and...a candy night out, afterwhich i ko-ed for a good 10hours and dreamt of them again.

if you really want to, if you really want to
then i really can't deny you
*if you really want to by meatloaf

rugby wise, been training with harlequin ladies for the past 2.5 weeks, will try out london-welsh club on tuesday and decide where to go from there. pre-season training has been quite laid back, but im still learning stuff, and im happy happy.

go tough 

this summer has been mindblowing for what this wild crazy freedom has brought into my life, but the (still unsolved) internet problem makes me wanna pack up, go home, and cry or holler f*ck till i cant speak and punch someone good. its not like me, but this time it feels like no one can help me, not even myself. if this is some kinda punishment, then im sorry to say that it has been way too cruel and far too harsh.

its not about loving me, its about understanding, who i am, how i feel, and what i want, in small stuff and big dreams. not many people can, even if they meant to.

go live 

bastards. our internet service provider that is. you dont know how much i fucking hate incompetence and stupidity, and its all over this whole damned place.

sweet and sad the same 

maybe one day when this is over, we'll be able to say it was all a game; and we played to make ourselves feel better, played to make ourselves feel happy. but because i dont lose these games anymore, please watch out for yourself, i cant do it for you.

maybe it was to learn how to love maybe it was to learn how to leave
maybe it was for the games we played maybe it was to learn how to choose
maybe it was to learn how to lose maybe it was for the love we made
so take a lesson from the strangeness you feel, and know you'll never be the same
*love is everything by jane siberry

in other stories, good weekend this one =) club, drink, gym, swim, dinner, shop. and still doing my thang, trying to get the 5.5click runs in under 30, dang.

no strings attached 

if you cant stay, then maybe you shouldnt pass by. cos it will only make me cry.

when you're too in love to let it go
but if you never try you'll never know
just what you're worth
*fix you by coldplay

so come on courage 

still a little bit of your song in my ear
still a little bit of your words i long to hear
you step a little closer to me, so close that i cant see whats going on

stones taught me to fly, love taught me to lie
life taught me to die, so its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannon

stones taught me to fly, love taught me to cry
so come on courage teach me to be shy
cause its not hard to fall and i dont wanna scare her
its not hard to fall and i dont wanna lose
its not hard to grow when you know that you just dont know
*cannonball by damien rice

fly, lie, die 

i always thought that growing up was finite. but maybe i will never stop growing up, at least until the day i find myself; i find you, and i find me. i need you to know that if being happy means saying sorry to you oneday, then i really am, i never meant to.

freedom is in the air. i guess, this summer will probably the only time, ever, that i can be myself. i want to stroll to the river outside and sit around with bottles of beer and hand-rolled cigs, beside prettyhorse or holding a book, and relax. and play rugby, the love of my life. and please dont judge me for the things i do or the words i say. i just want to be happy, just want some pleasure. and i have dreams too.

stones taught me to fly love taught me to lie life taught me to die
so its not hard to fall when you float like a cannonball
*cannonball by damien rice

mindfucks. thats all it is.

spot the players 

don't look back 

i moved house on saturday, start work on monday, and start on project summer on tuesday, thursday and maybe sunday. oh, and pretty horse and i went on adventure wimbledon on friday, 2 girls and one sleeping bag, overnight. ha-ha.

i like my new place, finally floors i can actually sit and lie on, and windows that open out to the london eye, and teevee in time for the exciting matches; but of course im not liking the cost, and anal porters, and being internet-less. but anyway, lotsa thanks to yoda, jon, and daniel for helping out, furniture was a bitch.

* * *
happy birthday chief security officer! ive got no internet now so maybe the secret will have to come later? talk to you soon, need some laughs. -scrunched face smile-

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♥
JESUS BE THE CENTRE, BE MY SOURCE, BE MY LIGHT JESUS
JESUS BE MY VISION, BE MY PATH, BE MY GUIDE JESUS
BE THE FIRE IN MY HEART, BE THE WIND IN THESE SAILS
BE THE REASON THAT I LIVE, JESUS JESUS