it's in the mind 

"If you are going to win any battle you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. The body will always give up, it is always tired, morning, noon, and night. But the body is never tired if the mind is not tired. When you were younger the mind could make you dance all night and the body was never tired, you've always got to make the mind take over and keep going."
-George Patton, 1912 Olympian

it has been about eighteen months, do i like running at the gym, hell no (ha-ha). but i guess i do it because 1. it is the very least i could do to prepare for now, 2. it challenges me to be decent at something i don't always like doing, 3. it takes my mind off things. really does =) let's gambatte!

where the wild things are 

there is something quietly despairing about this semester. yeah, it's my final take on the crazymazy life of a student, and season is starting, friends are visiting, trips are waiting, weekends are brewing, and classes are in-my-face-already; but i am stuck in a moment. and as it always is with things that are not good for us, we just keep going back for more. it's the same for everyone, no matter what the wisemen say, we walk into deep forests thinking that we will come out alive with a spotted leopard in hand. who are we kidding man. who are you kidding and who am i kidding. goodbye leopard. i wanted to find a way to you but now i must find my way out of this mess. goodbye forest.

sat around and thought about destiny
which led me to feelings i could not conceive
because i was holding on to yesterday
had to let go to find today

do do do your breaking through my boundaries
do do do the many moons it took me to find you
do do do do do do your burning through
i want to fall in love with you

sat around and talked about politics
and all the different reasons why we exist
but what if the answer is right in front of me
turning these pages
*the politics of life by waking ashland

these are the days 

these are the days of kenya, india, lebanon, china, germany, italy, and singapore. these are the days of ivy's cafe, amir's falafel, sipa cafe, nussbaum & wu, havana central, pinkberry, flor de mayo, and starbucks. these are the days of sleepless nights, endless conversations, restless bodies, and dreamless souls. these are the days of confessions and impressions. these are the days of unrequited feelings, untouched readings, and unbelievable things. these are the days that are the beginning of the end.

these are the days that we will never find ever again.

spring awakening 

first day of spring semester was not as nightmarish as expected. maybe tomo will be, think tiny me plus 4 colossal PHD students and (LSE govt kids get excited now...) prof. Stepan. anyway both the back-up classes i tried out today turned out to be pretty good stuff, so maybe i'll have class on tuesday after all, and monday, and wednesday, and that will be it. everyone is still in the try out mode right now so all the classes are uber full, and the profs. have yet to finalize the course outlines and deadlines, and i don't know what my schedule for the rest of the term is going to be like; which disturbs me because i am OCD like that, but i guess it's just something i have to deal with. i miss going to class with a pal, not the random people you get to know in class, but someone you can snack on fruits and scrawl on maps and eyeball the clock with, which is what FM and i did just now. maybe we will both end up taking that class, maybe we won't, but that's also something i have to deal with. oh, on a totally different tangent, i met JP to pass her something this afternoon and she told me that the college team will not be playing league matches this semester so that makes me elig to play for them. with club as well that could mean 5 trainings and 1 tourney a week! tres thrilled, but april will be an insane month in any case so i pray for wisdom and will. and lots of trust in Him as i deal with the very cards dealt to me.

'Unless the Lord builds the house, they labour in vain who build it. Unless the Lord guards the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows; for so He gives His beloved sleep.' -Psalms 127:1-2

once again i guess i will be okay after all. to be honest, i was surprised to realize that i had lost this game, but that doesn't mean i am unable to lose graciously. gonna smile a little lopsided smile and step back from the inferno, that's all =)

ten good memories 

#1: before sunset


#2: the backstreet boys


#3: colour everywhere


#4: back to school


#5: floats your bones


#6: who's the fairest of them all


#7: pot of gold


#8: pimp my friend


#9: taupok!


#10: home is where the smiles are

photo credits to eva. looking back, those were good memories =) and in spite of everything, i really miss those days now that we're back in new york city at -15°C. shito to the weather.

dear candice 

have another wild year, miss you love you oldie =)

the focus pocus game 

just two weeks away from the gym and mr. threadmill has turned into mr. dreadmill, sigh. highfives are exchanged now that the countdown stands at only five months,but five months also means five months to whip up my fitness. you have always been my perfect excuse and higher calling, my only reason, but it's been so long that confidence has deserted me.

for you, everything else must become a lost cause, everyone else has become a lost cause. a bleeding heart doesn't matter as long as i have you.

it found me to hold me but i don't like it at all
won't feed it won't grow it it's folded in my stomach
it's not fair i found love it made me say that get back
you'll never see daylight if i'm not strong it just might

all i need is a bitter song
to make me better much better
all i need to write is a bitter song
to make me better much better
*bitter song by butterfly boucher

new york city ballet 

following American Ballet Theatre in singapore and The Royal Ballet in london, New York City Ballet was next on the list. it's good to be a student, $12 concession tickets for $83 orchestra seats! the winter repertory program for tonight was titled Traditions and consisted Square Dance, Prodigal Son, and The Four Seasons. the opening dance, Square Dance was a clean classical piece that worked but did not wow, possibly owing to the fact that the female principal dancer was an illness/injury replacement. Prodigal Son that followed notched up the liveliness factor with its painted backdrop and colourful costumes, but it was ultimately a narrative style ballet with contemporary choreography that rarely washes down well with me. Maria Korowski though, was brilliant as the siren with her beautiful feet and strong body, she was the first bright spark of the night. The last dance, The Four Seasons, was the piece i had come to watch, only to realize later that this was a different piece from Vivaldi's Four Seasons. but it did not disappoint. the winter, spring, and summer sections were each well-executed to capture the feel of each respective season, but the autumn section that closed the night was the best of them all. the female lead Ashley Bouder had lovely feet and gorgeous lines that made her stunning to watch, but it was the male lead Daniel Ulbricht that stole the show with his manificent allegro splits and fouetté turns. it was the kind of bravado performance that reminded me of how Angel Corella made us melt when ABT put on Le Corsaire at kallang theatre. overall speaking, NYCB performed competently; the corps were slightly mediocre, but with principals like Ulbricht to take the audiences' breaths away, i suppose little eyeball time will be spent on the corps anyway =)


note: ABT and Angel Corella will be performing at the met this may. wooopey!

south america surprise 

pisco sours and inca kolas at lima, pebble fight at miraflores, street protest at buenos aires, tequila shots at san telmo square, street soccer at la la boca, sprinting to the iguazu bus station, looking for the pot of gold at the iguazu falls, sharing stories in the swimming pool, uno world series championship at residencial uno, bag search at the argentina-brazil highway, getting mugged at knifepoint on our first night in brazil, family soap opera in rio de janeiro, fat and not-so-fat eye candies at mellowyellow hostel, finding a rugby ball in room amazonia, pull ups at the stairway, frisbee at copacapana, midori chan from japan at christ the redeemer, rollercoaster bus ride to lapa, attracting gays at the favella funk party, lightbulbing at the hippie market, meeting the original girl from ipanema at the garota de ipanema restaurant, goalie dives at maracanã stadium, vulture shit at sugar loaf mountain, sashimi and the "what fish is this" tonkatsu at sao paulo, watching hilarious crime news on tv in hotel rojas, age checks for sitting in the emergency exit seat, ching-chings at every meal, you're-way-too-beautiful-girl at every partay, nante-yo at every dumb thang, mama's pms moods, papa's food mania, korkor's bush hair.

i never thought i would see argentina and brazil while i did my time in the u.s. of a. but as chance would have it, i did. this winter i did not get to go home, nor revisit london, nor travel with my favourite people, but i got to spend fourteen summer days in south amerika. i came back with a great tan, a new series of aching/beautiful memories, and a newfound favourite city, rio de janeiro. miss the sun already...

it's my disguise 

i think i left my heart in rio de janeiro. i have been much too careless, and out of my mind. guess i would rather step back from it than go back for it, at least for a little while, maybe life will be much simpler when lived without a heart. fucken distractions, no time for them, so let's just sing along to jay and make believe.

爱我别走
如果你说你不爱我
不要听见你真的说出口
再给我一点温柔

what it means 

Gazing at the rain, I consider what it means to belong, to become part of something. To have someone cry for me. From someplace distant, so very distant. From, ultimately, a dream. No matter how far I reach out, no matter how fast I run, I'll never make it. Why would anyone want to cry for me? -from Dance Dance Dance by Haruki Murakami

with that, i shall set off for the south amerikan summer. be back in a two weeks =)

new year resolutions 

2008 is the year i have been waiting for, it will be a year of great change, big challenges, and fresh chances. it will also be my make someone happy year, i have undeservingly been that 'someone' for my family, my friends, some acquaintances, even strangers, they have made me happy, and i would like to do the same for the 'someones' out there. there are major battles ahead of me, but as long as i fight clean, and uncompromising, and with my best, i trust that He will be on my side; win or lose, i trust in Him.

'This is what the Lord Almighty says, if you will walk in My ways and keep My requirements, then you will govern My house and have charge of My courts, and I will give you a place among these standing here.' -Zechariah 3:7

new year revolutions 

in the end we didn't see the ball drop at times square nor the fireworks at central park, but we partayed into the new year at the craziest houseparty ever. so so so skandalous, haha! it was awwsum fun =) happy 2008 my dears!

.

♥
JESUS BE THE CENTRE, BE MY SOURCE, BE MY LIGHT JESUS
JESUS BE MY VISION, BE MY PATH, BE MY GUIDE JESUS
BE THE FIRE IN MY HEART, BE THE WIND IN THESE SAILS
BE THE REASON THAT I LIVE, JESUS JESUS