the rainebow connection 

every thursday when i look down into the blue court while resting between my gym stations or waiting for my gym partner, i see a bunch of people playing table tennis, and i think of you. i have never watched you play before, but i imagine you must be real good. i miss you. i don't know the stories in your life these days and you don't get crazy long emails from me anymore; maybe that's the way things work as we both seem to know, but i just thought you deserve to know how much you mean to me, then and now, girl =)

i don't need a lot of things 

we were doing suicide sprints at indoor practice last night and i couldn't help feeling really happy because i have God, i have rugby, and i have you in my life =)

you're the hope that moves me to courage again
you're the love that rescues me when the cold winds rage
and it's so amazing cause that's just how you are
and i can’t turn back now cause you've brought me too far
*i need you by leann rimes

like there's no tomorrow 

the days ahead will be exciting, but they will also daunting. i can only turn to God's grace for a clear mind, a clean heart, and a hand to hold.

first paper of the semester finally done, woefully below perfectionist standards, but this will have to pass for it this just this time. 3 more papers due, on top of 2 midterms and 1 finals. gotta try to be disciplined in working my socks off so that i will not end up compromising rugby-time and other-important-stuffs-time to meet impossible deadlines. gotta eat less. gotta set new PBs on the gym runs. gotta be a good host to DS, YT, HC, TT. gotta plan for post-grad holiday with parents. gotta take on the role of image consultant + salad dresser + pepper stirrer + food taster. and if it helps, room has a spanking new layout so hopefully new reserves of energy, concentration, and attention span will be mine to summon. whoop!

ps: england trounced france in the six nations once again. i hope wales will be able to deal the same blow to the french, it'd make a sweet follow up to the one we watched last year =)

be the one i need
be the one i trust most
don't stop inspiring me
sometimes it's hard to keep on running
we work so much to keep it going
don't make me want to give up

running running
as fast as we can
i really hope you make it
do you think we'll make it
we're running keep holding my hand
it's so we don't get separated
*running by no doubt

cloud nine 

Love, they say, enslaves and passion is a demon and many have been lost for love. I know this is true, but I know too that without love we grope the tunnels of our lives and never see the sun. When I fell in love it was as though I looked into a mirror and for the first time saw myself. I lifted my hand in wonderment and felt my cheeks, my neck. This was me. And when I had looked at myself and grown accustomed to who I was, I was not afraid to hate parts of me because I wanted to be worthy of the mirror bearer.
-from The Passion by Jeanette Winterson

look after you 

if i don't say this now i will surely break
as i'm leaving the one i want to take
forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait
my heart has started to separate

there now steady love so few come and don't go
will you won't you be the one i always know
when i'm losing my control the city spins around
you're the only one who knows you slow it down

it's always have and never hold
you've begun to feel like home
what's mine is yours to leave or take
what's mine is yours to make your own
*look after you by the fray

dear dennis and samuel 

all things bright and beautiful 

'You have heard that it was said, "Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth." But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.

You have heard that it was said, "Love your neighbor and hate your enemy." But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.' -Matthew 5:38-48

every word you say finds a home in my heart. you are not a recurrent character in the story of my life, but your words, they make me do bright and beautiful things; so thank you.
* * *
off to the u.s. virgin islands with 'pop' and 'bro' for the weekend =)

back to the real world 

i think, happiness is a good training session and gym workout, followed by sushi and white chocolate mocha with whipped cream. yeah and of course the academic world doesn't exist until i return to my room to be confronted by a bed strewn with freshly laundered clothes and sky high readings. oh no =)

the real world 

the past three weeks have rolled by at a dopey pace, as if acads were but an afterthought. twelve more weeks, just twelve more weeks to go and here's what needs to be spewed out: Chinese Foreign Policy (CFP) essay #1, US-Japan Relations (USJ) paper topic, USJ midterm exam, CFP take home midterm exam, Democracy and World Religions (DWR) paper draft, CFP essay #2, USJ 12 page research paper, DWR 25 page research paper, CFP take home final exam. and to be realistic, a third of these twelve weeks will be spent on the u.s. virgin islands trip, the florida spring break, the visiting friends period, and the rugby weekends. panic attack rears its stupid head once again. oh no =(

你不在当我最需要爱你却不在
无尽等待像独白的难捱
你不在高兴还是悲哀你都不在
受了伤害再偷偷好起来
*你不在 by wang lee hom

snowspiration 

Snow Season, for one of you.

Sat around to watch the snow come down,
But none seemed to come this side of town;
Say would you stay to hold me anyhow,
Cause I've been on the road for too long now.

Turned around and watched the snow come down,
But there's just one who can chase my frowns;
Say would you change your made up mind somehow,
Cause I've been on the road for too long now.

Ran around watching the snow come down,
But the mush ground fumbled my touchdown;
Don't say the words that make me think of thou,
Cause I've been on the road for too long now.

never too old to play 

i wouldn't say it was a good chinese new year day, but i did have a good day that happened to be chinese new year itself! and a good day is made up of a solid 2.4km run at the gym, a dive try on the glossy bball court, pseudo boxing and amerikan gladiators style jousting with kay and lennon at the glass house rocks event, chucking/chasing the frisbee in the cold with jason from 3am to 5am, and another semi-sleepless night. crazy, but i'd call it the life =)

dear marianne 

love love from birdgirl and the three doggies =)

bedtime stories 

running into someone by chance today made me realize how much i miss that person as a friend, how much i have allowed myself to compromise, how much i have strayed from the grand plan, and how little control i have over my decisions now. things are kinda messy at this point of time, but i promise myself i'll be back on track soon.

wake up. enough is f-ing enough.

hey slow eater 

thought i would let you know, for once, you're zuper! zanks for asking about ze 5km runs; haven't managed one in zonks, but somehow after you brought it up, i finally conquered it with a new PB =) ninja will continue to gambatte until ze showdown in june! haha. anyway, good luck with ze finger operation, and don't torment your doctors and nurses alright. hugs!
* * *
it was greatly disappointing to know that 33 doesn't believe, but so didn't 36 and to a certain extent 40 and 41. only 37 always believed, and i guess that's what made/makes 37 special. okay, i got sick of thinking about this believing business so i shall leave it as this.

i understand 

my life i give to You O Lord use me i pray
may i glorify Your precious name in all i do and say
let me trust You in the valley dark as well as in the light
knowing You will always lead me Your will is always right

and when some day in heaven above i see His dear face
may i then be counted faithful as a runner in this race
now i’m trusting in the Savior to show me the way
in His righteousness He guides me as i seek to please Him day by day

i know God makes no mistakes
He leads in every path i take
along the way that's leading me to home
though at times my heart would break
there's a purpose in every change He makes
that others would see my life and know
that God makes no mistakes

butterfly flutter by 

awful sweet to be a little butterfly just winging over things
and nothing deep inside nothing going, going wild in you
you're slowing by the riverside or floating high and blue

cause you know i don't do sadness not even a little bit
just don't need it in my life don't want any part of it
i don't do sadness hey i've done my time
looking back on it all man it blows my mind
i don't do sadness so been there
don't do sadness just don't care
*don't do sadness from spring awakening

.

♥
JESUS BE THE CENTRE, BE MY SOURCE, BE MY LIGHT JESUS
JESUS BE MY VISION, BE MY PATH, BE MY GUIDE JESUS
BE THE FIRE IN MY HEART, BE THE WIND IN THESE SAILS
BE THE REASON THAT I LIVE, JESUS JESUS